memorable moment

I had one of those moments yesterday with Claire. I'll preface by saying that the last year or so we have had the dialogue with Claire about how she is from China and that Mommy and Daddy went to China and adopted her. She gets it to her own level of understanding. But still says things like, "I belong in China!" no honey, you were just born in China, you belong with us in America. "Mommy was born in China?" no, just you. She does see this information as a positive, she loves to talk about being a baby in China and loves her Chinese clothes,etc. So, where she stood was she knew she didn't come from mommy's tummy, but from China=adoption. We have never talked about her looking different from us or anything like that. So, back to my moment. Claire and I are eating dinner together (the boys are having a night out with dad) and we are watching HGTV-a favorite channel of mine. House Hunters happens to be on. The host is a beautiful Asian woman. At some point during the show, Claire says, "Mommy, where did she come from?" My heart stops for a minute, was she asking about the Asian woman? So I ask her which lady, and she points her out to me. My heart is racing now, could she possible know at 4 years old that she looks like this lady and not like me? I have been told that this won't happen until she starts school and some punk kid points it out to her. I'm still not sure, so I decide to test her. "Where do you think she came from?" Claire has a huge smile as she says, "from China, like me". I feel a lump in my throat as I tell her she is right and smile back at her and this makes her day and she giggles and smiles. As I sit there looking at my beautiful daughter, I don't know what I feel-sadness that she has already realized she is different than her family (though she seems pretty happy at the moment) or do I feel proud of her for being so happy and so smart to figure it out on her own so young? This also causes me to once again think of her future and wonder how she will react as she grows older and has to deal with the fact of adoption and not looking like her family. Will she be OK? Will she hate me at some point? Will she believe me when I tell her that I believe that she was always meant to be our daughter? Will she feel the love I have for her? Will that be enough? She is one of the happiest children I know, and I just pray that she will stay this way. I pray that I can say the right things as she is growing up so that she never doubts where she belongs.

-the picture is one of my all time favorites-when Allen held Claire for the first time-priceless.