my bad

I made a mistake. And boy did I pay for it. In the months prior to Christmas, I asked the boys to make a list of things they might like for Christmas. Carter had a list two pages long, and multiple times he verbally added more to it. And I admit, I didn't always listen to the verbal ones. I would do the mommy trick of pretending to listen as I thought of something else, or looked at my magazine and just gave him a few "uh uh's". Jared on the other hand had a very short list that ended with "surprises". This threw me for a loop. And so I thought alot about some surprises I could get him. And I was so proud of myself when I thought of the kids version of National Geographic-perfect for my son who loves animals, especially ones found in the wild.

So, Christmas morning came and Jared opened the magazine and was happily surprised. And I patted myself on the back for such a good gift. About a week later he got his first one in the mail. I made a big deal about how it had his name on it because it was HIS magazine. A few days after that he got a special gift from the magazine-a blow up ball that looks like a globe. As Jared happily ran off with it, Carter spoke up finally...."mom, you know it was me who asked for that magazine, not Jared. I think you forgot who asked for it" And what killed me was that he didn't say this in an angry voice, not in a crying-poor me voice, not in a bratty voice. But instead it was in an adult voice that was just a little bit off because of the hurt that was there that he was trying to hide and because his lip was quivering a little as he spoke. It reminded me of how Allen and I talk to each other when one has hurt the other unknowingly...you are not mad, just hurt. Once the words sunk in, I begged forgiveness, I hugged and kissed him and said I was so sorry. I did not remember anyone telling me they wanted that magazine. And to think how I had made such a big deal when the magazine came that it was Jared's own personal magazine. I can imagine what Carter was feeling. As I was going to sleep that night I nearly came to tears thinking of the hurt I caused my son unknowingly. But then my thoughts changed to how proud I was of him in how he handled the situation. He handled it like an adult....my ten year old boy is growing up. The next day I apologized again and told him how proud I was of him. And when I said the words "acted like an adult", he beamed. And that helped my heart.